Over the last few years, I have developed a consistent meditation practice as it seems the most likely way to get in touch with the unconscious. Before I started, I certainly had expectations that after a while I would learn to completely cleanse my mind of thoughts. I’m learning to let go of those expectations as the human brain, and mine in particular, is extremely busy. I still find the practice very helpful as I watch thoughts come and go. Recently, I’ve started to notice that when my mind wanders, it frequently moves to thoughts about future which usually takes the form of planning and things I need to get done. I became aware of this during meditation, but this realization helped me also recognize that I spend most of my days in this perpetual state of planning what I need to be doing or getting done. As human beings we have a need to feel like we are making an impact and therefore, questioning ourselves as to whether or not we are doing enough seems pretty normal.
After acknowledging what seems to be a perpetual state of planning that I’m in, I asked myself the question, “What is motivating this state?” The word responsibility immediately came to mind. I have always taken responsibility for my obligations and commitments. Responsibility also appears in my “Top Five Strengths” according to the CliftonStrengths personality assessment.
According to Google’s Oxford Languages, responsibility is defined as:
- the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or having control over someone.
- the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.
- the opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization.
- a thing that one is required to do as part of a job, role, or legal obligation
- a moral obligation to behave correctly toward or in respect of.
Everything in life is a choice including the acceptance of responsibility for oneself and to be responsible for others. Why do we choose to be responsible? As I read the definitions above, it occurred to me that responsibility involves an element of control which is usually driven by fear. When we act responsibly, are we afraid of something? Yes! We are afraid of some consequence which could be losing control or losing something or someone we love.
When I think about the things for which I take responsibility, it is all about people and relationships. I feel responsible for my family, my team, my clients and my friends just to name a few. These are things that I love. Is responsibility a need to somehow control these relationships for fear of losing them? What if we were to let go of control?
Love and fear appear to be opposites in a dualistic world. If this is the whole truth, then freeing ourselves from our fears would also mean becoming free from responsibility. That doesn’t feel right to me. Perhaps this is more so evidence that duality is an illusion and responsibility is really a bridge that allows us to embrace both love and fear in unity.
Photo by Enrique Ortega Miranda on Unsplash
